Joe's Icelandic Fantasy


Joe: Hello and welcome to request video. Today is a very special day on Request Video, because I am the host, and I am from the Vandals, LA's favorite and failing punk band.... But today, I am failing upwards as I'm sitting in for Gia, and I get to interview the funny little Sugarcubes. Look how cute they are. Have you ever seen anything like it? All the way from Iceland, the land of polar bears and part of the Grand Canyon. So, The Sugarcubes said they would not explain themselves, their record company says, so we'll ask them a few questions and see if they maybe have a good sense of humor.

So this is Björk and Siggi

Siggi: mmm hmmm

Joe: So, we'll start with the ladies. We have one, and um, how do you, um, do you have a boyfriend? What grade are you in?

[Björk and Siggi laugh]

Björk: Um, I bet you know more stars than us, right? um...

Joe: Do they have that [Star Search] in your frosty homeland?

Siggi: We don't have Star Search, we have like sand signs.. it is very, ....

Joe: sand signs??

Björk: Yeah it is very different

Joe: So you're not going to answer that question maybe?

Björk: Well, to begin with, I don't know what grades are because [...] we have a different system where i come from

Joe: OK

Björk: And I'm not going to tell you if I have a boyfriend or not [sticks out tongue] I'm going to be difficult. It'll be a mystery.

Joe: Well, these are, these are questions that actual viewers have sent in, and they want to know.

Björk: mmmmm [looks at Siggi]

Joe: They also want to know, um ah, besides you and Vanilla Ice, what other Icelandic bands are there that are from Iceland?

Siggi: Oh no.

Björk: There's Ice T

Joe: Ice T, OK

Siggi: Ice Cube

Joe: Ice Cube, I understand, um, and Mr. T

Siggi: No, he's from Greenland.

Joe: OK, alright this is going quite well. What is the best band from Greenland? The best and the worst? Best and worst band in Greenland?

Björk: ummmm [laughter]

Joe: K, you go first [motions to Siggi] best and worst bands.

Siggi: um, there's a band called spurting faucets, which is the best one... and then there's another one called Beaten Bishops.

Joe: They suck!!

Siggi: They suck [laughter]

Joe: OK

Siggi: They suck

Joe: [talking to crew] Time to go to videos?

Crew: Time to go to videos.

Joe: We are now going to play some videos. We're going to start with The Sugarcubes best video they've ever made in their whole life, and um, it's called 'Hit'. And after that we'll see the best video made in this country, The Vandals, Pizza Tran.

[cut to video]

Joe: Welcome back to Request Video.. and one thing I forgot to do was to, um, number one, I said the videos wrong. What we just saw was 'Hit', and we didn't see anything else, but we'll see some stuff later. And I forgot to formally welcome The Sugarcubes, Siggi and Björk to the KVOC family, so welcome to the KVOC family.

Siggi: Is it like a mafia thing?

Joe: Welcome, yeah it's like an Orange County mafia thing. You know that KVOC, this station we are on now, is owned by Pat Boone. Do you know Pat Boone? He is a famous Icelandic star [laughter] Do you know why?

Siggi: Why?

Joe: He was in the movie "Journey to the Center of the Earth", which was filmed, mostly, if not entirely in Iceland.

Siggi: Yeah... no.

Joe: Or maybe not at all

Siggi: No, it was made here. I've seen that movie, it is very funny.

Joe: They took a picture of Iceland at one point. I know, at one point there was a picture of Iceland.

Siggi: Yeah, there was some footage of that probably. They probably got that from the geographical society, or something.

Joe: That makes sense.

Siggi: but, ummmm was does Pat Boone do in that movie?

Joe: Pat Boone...

Siggi: You're kidding?

Joe: Pat Boone is the doctor that is on the quest to.... or he's the assistant, the ambitious assistant of the doctor, that goes to search for the center of the earth, and he goes into a.... glacier, or volcano, or whatever. That big one that you see right in Reykjavik

Siggi: He has a goat!

Joe: He has a goat, and Haans [??] the guide, the most famous Icelander in America.

Björk: I knew his daughter.

Joe: I know his daughter too

Björk: do you??

Joe: But I know her in a different way, if you know what I mean!
She tends bar sometimes, so she was a bartender at this big nightclub.

Björk: Well, I just know her from her life in Iceland, I don't know what she does in America.......

Joe: No, in Iceland she was a bartender.

Björk: Yeah?

Joe: Tell her Joe says "Hi".

Björk: OK, I will.

Siggi: What is her name?

Joe: Tell her that it was a fake phone number...

Björk: I'm getting nostalgic here.. I used to go take dancing lessons with her when I was 12.

Joe: Oh really, that must have been interesting.

Björk: She was talking about her father, and he.. he, because you know he was a star in Iceland, and he was like the only person who played in a film!

Joe: He was like a composite of you.. You guys are now him, because you guys are so famous in here and in Iceland. That guy was you - you are now him - how does it feel?

Björk: You know what nickname he got? he got the nickname Ramson.

Joe: Ramson...

Björk: He got on so well, he bought himself a Ramson lighter.

Joe: So he was the only man in Iceland that could afford a ramson lighter, and he became famous from it?
I am getting a tear...

Björk: And actually, all his family members and his son and daughters, they got that thing stuck to them as well.

Joe: Ramson. So they're all ramsons!

Siggi: They're also called Zippo's too!

Joe: Yeah, Frank Zippo, i think it was.....

Joe: She was a babe, a nice babe, definitely... That brings up another subject about your homeland.. your chilly little island, is the girls there are so good looking!! Björk, here, she's a 10, there she's only a 9 and a half! The girls.. the girls are babes there!

Speaking of babes, here is the babe singing in her video Motorcrash and now we'll see The Vandals and Bad Religion, featuring four satanic cult members playing instruments.

[cut to video]

Joe: Ok, hi, we are back with the little chilly Sugarcubes. um, [looks at Björk] Yes, i know you're impressed.

[laughter]

Joe:So anyways, Björk, have you ever fired a pistol?

Björk: Yeah.

Joe: Really???

Björk: Yeah.

Joe: Siggi, have you?

Siggi: mmm hmmmm

Joe: They look peaceful, but deep down inside they are protected, that's good.

Ok, let's get into your music... I enjoy your music, despite what you may think, I think you are a great band. I saw you Friday night, and you were excellent... I might add.

But I think there is a fine line between in being The Sugarcubes and just totally sucking. Because you guys don't suck. don't get me wrong, you guys are a great band. But I've heard bands try to be like you, and they suck! every last one of them suck! Can we say suck? You know what? It's CBS, you can only say suck so many times.

Siggi: suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.....

[laughter]

Siggi: suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.....

Joe: So, um, this brings up the question, what do you think of bands that imitate you, but fall short?

Björk: Well, I haven't seen a band imitate us yet..

Siggi: No, I have never.....

Joe:Well,

Siggi: You must point some out to me

Joe: Um, have you seen El Vez?

Siggi: El Vez is our friends!

Björk: He's probably talking about Guns n Roses, isn't he?

Joe: Yeah, Guns n Roses, there's another one.. see there's two! You thought there were none.

So, um, well anyways, it's hard, the point is, it's hard to be The Sugarcubes, and you guys do it, so hats off to you.

Now we're going to play "How much does it cost in Iceland"?

Siggi: That's a fun game.

Joe: Ok, how much is a record in Iceland, Siggi?

Siggi: A vinyl one?

Joe: Ahhhh a cd.

Siggi: A cd. A cd would be about.. let me think, $30 i think.

Joe: $30, ok good. How much is a car, Björk?

Björk: Well, it depends, doesn't it?

Joe: Average car.

Björk: [says something in Icelandic to Siggi]

Joe: 4 wheel drive? Jeep?

Siggi: New or used?

Joe: Jeppa, jeppa?

Björk and Siggi: a jeep.

Siggi: 10...20.....10..20... about 50.....

Joe: more than a beer?

Siggi: About 50, 60.. well, a new one would be about 60-70 thousand dollars

Joe: Ok, 60-70 thousand. How much is a drink in a night club?

Siggi: 10 bucks.

Joe: 10 dollars. See this is.......... a prostitute? on an average street.

Siggi: That's pretty bad.... you don't have to pay for sex in Iceland.

Joe: That's true.

[laughter]

Joe: You know I went to school in Iceland.

Siggi: You did?!

Joe: Yeah, [can't quite make out the name of the school, sounds like high school of Iceland] RAH RAH RAH!

Björk: For how long?

Joe: 6 weeks. One summer school session, but, still. Still getting chicks...

Have you ever held a monkey, Björk?

Björk: Yep.

Joe: mmmmmmmmmm, I would like to get a picture of that.

Björk: For your collection, right?

Joe: Yeah..

Siggi: Babes holding monkeys.

Joe: I have a whole file.

[laughter]

Joe: ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ok. so anyways, what's the strangest thing you've ever heard about America?

[Siggi wipes Joe's forehead]

Joe: Thank you , I was getting Rush Limbah beads.... We'll find out that answer to that question later, but for now we're going to check out Social Distortion. Do you like Social Distortion?

Siggi: No I don't like them very much!

Joe: [laughs] Well, you know what, you're safe because there isn't one of them that could beat you in an arm wrestle or a fight, or anything coming close.

Siggi: How about trivial pursuit? Do you think they could?

Joe: There is definitely no threat there! Anyways, here they are with 'Story of my life', my favorite video from SD

[cut to video]

Joe: Ok, welcome back to ah, Pat Boone's little request video show. I like Pat Boone, so I will comment on him through out the show. ah, ok, now we were talking before about what is the strangest thing you have ever heard about America.. the strangest rumor you ever heard before you got here, and I will tell you if it's true or not.

Siggi: I heard it was a communist country.

Joe: I was going to.... oh, so then w-why weren't you allowed to come here while your country was communist for so long? I'm sorry guys, i apologize

Siggi: I was actually escorted from an airplane here, because I didn't have a visa, but I was only stopping by, I had to change planes, but I didn't have a visa, so I was escorted from the plane, and the guy asked me, "Iceland? I've never seen a passport from Iceland. What's that, a communist country?"

Joe: Yeah, one of the viewers did write in and ask how you felt now that the iron curtain has fallen, and you're allowed to travel freely between here and Iceland, but you don't have to answer that.

I had an Icelandic stamp on my passport, when I hand it to people, and they read it, they say "oh you're from Iceland?" and i say, no I'm from the United States, it says it on the cover, but um, people that have not travelled internationally, are not used to passports, don't ask the best questions.

Ok, now, speaking of communism, I understand that you, some of you were involved with Crass and their record label. Would you care to elaborate on that?

Siggi: That has nothing to do with communism, actually.

Joe: Oh contrare mon-ice friend! That band is illegal in this country, I hope you know!

Björk: Is it? You're kidding.

Joe: Dangerous. It should be.... no, it's not. Ok, I lied! But..

Björk: Basically they sort of contacted us after coming to Iceland and watched us play, and there was a band we were in before The Sugarcubes called Kukl..

Joe: cook .. cook [trying to say kukl]

Björk: And they were quite, they sort of gave us a statement, saying they thought we were very independent, and sort of out there on our own, not listening to what other bands were playing, just playing what we liked, which fit into their philosophy which is [edited out] and we said ok,

Joe: [whispers] no f words....

Björk: we'll work with you but our politics has to be our own politics, we're not gonna like.......... what?

Joe: You said the 'f' word and he said the 'sh' word.. we're all offended.

Björk: So where do we ...

Joe: That's ok.

Siggi: We can carry on swearing, if you want?

Joe: no no no no no there will be no swearing while I'm here. Maybe while Gia's here.. and if any of you people send me the hate mail she gets.. I will hunt you down and kill you. I don't need that in my life.

Anyways, um, I'll accept that. You guys definitely individuals, crass calls up the Sugarcubes, or what was [makes choking sound]

Björk: Let me tell you, Kukl was totally different from The Sugarcubes. It was very different.

Joe: I would imagine so.

Björk: Yeah, so, um we worked with them for a while, and they were very interesting people to meet.

Joe: Oh I wish I could have met them, and maybe lived with them in a commune for 3 or 4... minutes. Um, but speaking of cluck [Kukl] we are now going to check out a couple of videos, one by The Sugarcubes, Planet, and then one by Nirvana, don't request that because you can see it on MTV, and ooh! The Charletons.

[cut to video]

Joe: Hello and welcome back to the KVOC family. We are continuing our conversation with The Sugarcubes, my two favorite members, Siggi and Björk, and I love that name Björk. It exudes femininity. Not feminism.. that short hair thing with the girls who spend much too much time with each other, but, you know. But anyways, I do like Björk.... ok! The cat's out of the bag... I like Björk!

Um, ok more questions sent in by our viewers... um, Björk, what is it like to see a kangaroo up close?

Björk: It's cuddly.. it's nice you know. I actually got to pet one, you know.

Joe: Did you really?

Björk: Yeah, I got to meet in person, personally.

Joe: In personally? You know, in Las Vegas, have you been to Las Vegas?

Siggi: No.

Joe: You can pay nothing and watch a kangaroo box a midget.... twice a day at Circus Circus. Serious. 3 rounds, no holds barred, Indian death match.

Björk: You know isn't it strange that they let them box? They should let them kick box, or something.

Joe: They do kick box!

Björk: As well?

Joe: That's the advantage of the kangaroo, they have

Björk: Makes sense doesn't it?

Joe: They have the tail, yeah, it's a long tradition here.

Siggi: So they stand on tier tail and kick with both feet?

Joe: Yeah. We have kangaroo boxing, we have cock fights, with the roosters, what do you have that's equally atrocious in your homeland, that maybe you are outward offended by it, but inward, you;re betting on it? You know, on the weekends.

Siggi: We eat sour ram balls.

Joe: Sour what?

Siggi: Ram testicles. Pickled ram testicles.

Björk: We got beauty contests.

Joe: Beauty contests.. oh dear.

Björk: That's the kind of thing people like to love to hate I guess.

Joe: Yeah, but you have beauty contests, it's like.. wow. wow!

Björk: It's sorta like, equally ridiculous, isn't it?

Joe: It's like, oh let's have a sand contest at the beach, and see who can find a grain. Let's have a beauty contest in Iceland.... so anyways, The Sugarcubes, I am going to ask you a serious question sent in by a serious viewer.... How many records do you plan to release as The Sugarcubes? Do you have a limit? By this time in 10 years I want to be painting.

Siggi: Want to be painted?

Joe: Painting. Do you have any goals, like do you want to quit the band?

Björk: No, no

Joe: Just keep going.

Björk: Yeah.

Joe: Oh, that's another thing I wanted to ask you, If after you stop being in The Sugarcubes, what do you think your profession will be at Iceland, if you ever stop, or let's say you stop today, what would you be doing for a living? Your turn [to Björk]

Björk: I'd probably be a uh hideous radio host.

Joe: a hideous radio host?

Björk: Well, I wouldn't be talking, I'd be playing records..

Joe: Playing records, ok,

Björk: and squeezing in between what the songs are called because I have to, you know?

Joe: Playing records and squeezing people in between, ok?

Björk: No, squeezing words in between.

Siggi: She is such a good radio host, makes my day!

Joe: Siggi, what would you be doing in Iceland, that frosty homeland you long for and get to go back to tomorrow.

Siggi: Um.. so much to do, such little time.

Joe: Such little time? Such real choice is the real question.

Björk: I think we can all say there are loads of things we could be doing.

Joe: A fisherman?

Siggi: No.. If you want a realistic answer, I would probably be playing music.

Joe: Ok, ok.. what about the other guys in the band? Makka [Magga]. What would she be doing?

Siggi: Raising kids.

Joe: God, she is such a pregnant babe!!! Have you seen her! and, um..... the other guys? There's not a cobbler or anything?

Siggi: Einar would be a bad radio show host... doing interviews with himself.

Joe: So there could be one on both stations!

Björk: Yeah, he'd be talking and I'd be playing music!! [laughs]

Joe: You'd be squeezing people, you already confessed to that to me... here we go, we've got to go, it's time to go! Thank you for coming down and being my guests. Did you have a nice time?

Björk: Brilliant. So good.

Joe: Would you talk to me again if you saw me on the street?

Siggi: Yes, I like you so much!

Björk: Every time, every time

Joe: I had a great time, I hope you did too, no hate mail please, thank you, and um, bye!